We hope you’ll miss this bit next week: last presentation of the Melodifestivalen artists in Matteo‘s self proclaimed “bestest guide to Mello”. Beware: a lot of sarcasm and irony on this piece.

eclipse

1. Eclipse – Runaways – Erik Mårtensson
The artists: Eclipse are a hard rock band. It felt weird that no hard rock bands were participating, so here they are. The have been formed more than 15 years ago. Erik Mårtensson (voice/guitar) and Anders Berlin (keyboard/drums) were the first two, followed by Magnus Henriksson. Anders has left 12 years ago and the list of “previous members” is quite long. They have 6 studio albums and I have no clue why they are signed to British and Italian record labels – but not Swedish.
The composer: the vocalist of the band.
The song: I don’t know whether it’s my childhood spent around too many hardrock fans, but it sounds quite good-but-banale. Even though if you tell me RUNAWAYS I think of the Killers. And a bit of the Cypriot group. But I’m digressing now.
Chances of qualifying: Could be a surprising (or not so surprising) qualifier for the final.

dolly style

2. Dolly Style – Rollercoaster – Thomas G:son, Peter Boström, Alexandra Salomonsson
The artists: Dolly Style are a relatively new venture. Last year they participated in Melodifestivalen and someone up there looked down on us, so they qualified for Andra Chansen, but they were stopped before appearing on the final. I don’t want to focus much on the girls because I guess that if we stay all VERY still and quiet they’ll leave.
The trio has changed a lot in less than a year. The one singing as Polly and the one singing as Molly have been recast and Holly is now probably their queen.
Have I told you that they are a sort of Japan inspired Lolita bubblegum group? I know, but it’s even more awful than it sounds.
The composers: G:son and Boström (well known for basically everything on Melodifestivalen since 2004) and Holly. Told you, she is the Queen Doll now.
The song: Do you know the definition of “second hand shame”? Look it up. It’s like Boten Anna with 2016 sounds and cliché Japanese flavour.
Chances of qualifying: the Swedes could tank the show voting for the weirdness. In my mind, this is a DNQ.

martin stenmarck

3. Martin Stenmarck – Du tar mig tillbaks – David Stenmarck
The artist: Martin Stenmarck is one of the most brilliant artist in Sweden. I am really biased this time, but you love me for that. Martin is one of the most attractive fathers in the world and has a very soothing voice. He has been active for 15 years now, but fame came to him around 10 years ago. He represented Sweden in 2005 with the song “Las Vegas” (not the best song nor placement for them), but then it got REALLY better at music. In 2006 the song “7milakliv” written with his brother climbed the charts. Even better in 2007 when “100 år från nu (blundar)” went even more mental. The title of that album is very long, I’ll skip that, but trust me: Martin Stenmarck between 2006 and 2010 was quite a think.
In 2009 he published the album “Septemberland” which was AMAZING. After that he went on other ventures (like biking on the Everest!) and in 2014 he got back on Melodifestivalen with När änglarna går hem.
Sorry, I love him too much.
The composer: his brother. Go and listen “7milakliv” and understand how good they could be together. I am asking myself why David is not singing too. Maybe he doesn’t have the voice? He looks good, though.
The song: I have the fear this song will leave me with nothing. Sounds like an american ballad that could be played in a generic movie wedding scene.
Chances of qualifying: I am afraid none.

linda bengtzing

4. Linda Bengtzing – Killer Girl – Mathias Kallenberger, Andréas Berlin, Linda Bengtzing, Dag Öhrlund
The artist: if you don’t know who Linda Bengtzing is, then you maybe have never really heard anything about Melodifestivalen. Linda was born on the 13th of March 1974 in Gullspång. No clue wher Gullspång is. In the late 80s she sang at Wallmans, one of those bars with entertainment that Stockholm is filled of, and then she relocated to Oslo for the same company. Linda had a dream and in the 90s she moved back to Stockholm and became a nanny (don’t ask).
She got her first half-breakthrough in a TV show on TV4, but it was only when Melodifestivalen started its tournée that Linda was able to become a Schlagerprincess.
“Alla flickor” in 2005 brought her to Andra Chansen and to the last place in the final, “Jag ljuger så bra” in 2006 brought her to the final with a 7th place, “Hur svårt kan det va?” in 2008 brought her straight to the final again with a 5th place, “E det fel på mej?” in 2011 brought her again to the final with a 7th place and when in 2014 she brought “Ta mig” to the Melodifestivalen stage, the Swedish public decided to stop her.
If you love Melodifestivalen, you have to love Linda. She has also sang in various Diggiloo turnéen concerts and had two massive schlager hits: “Värsta schlagern” with Markoolio and “Victorious” with Velvet. If this was a band, it would be called “All Swedish Rejects”.
The composers: Linda herself and a group of people that worked with Magnus Carlsson and Velvet.
The song: after singing “Ta mig” (I was the only one to like that), she got back to her roots.
Chances of qualifying: too much competition. Maybe Andra Chansen?

frans jepsson wall

5. Frans – If I Were Sorry – Oscar Fogelström, Michael Saxell, Fredrik Andersson, Frans Jeppsson Wall
The artist: Frans became a star in 2006. 8 years old Frans sang “who’s da man” with a bunch of people. The song was a hymn to Zlatan Ibrahimovic and I assume in 2006 there was some championship around footbal or whatevs. He had a Christmas single in 2006, another single in 2008 around football and then disappeared. Now he’s 17 and he’s back.
He’s 17. I don’t know what you expected from this bio. Oh, he probably has a British passport as his father is Nigerian-British.
The composers: Oscar Fogelström produces and mixes songs for TV shows (also for the Minimello, which is the Melodifestivalen for kids – where puppets participate. Don’t ask), Fredrik Andersson had a song in Melodifestivalen 1994 and if you look for Michael Saxell online you’ll find a hard rock drummer. Don’t know whether he’s the one.
The song: a sort of “I’m sorry” ballad from Bruno Mars.
Chances of qualifying: I can’t see this going through. As much as people know his name…

panetoz

6. Panetoz – Håll om mig hårt – Jimmy Jansson, Karl-Ola Kjellholm, Jakke Erixson, Pa Modou Badjie, Njol Badjie, Nebeyu Baheru
The artists: the 5 singers come from Gambia, Ethiopia, Angola, Congo and Finland. Two of them met in highschool, the others followed through. They are quite known because of the big hit “Dansa Pausa” in 2012 that brought them a lot of fame. In 2014 they participated in Melodifestivalen with “Efter solsken” which was another success.
The composers: Jimmy Jansson wrote and performed the song “Amanda” at Melodifestivalen 2007, after entering in 2005 with “vi kan gunga”. He was part of the band Poets (went to Mello in 2002 with them). The other two gave us songs like Bedroom by Alvaro Estrella or Janet Leon’s Hollow.
The song: The feelgood uptempo dancing thing that you’d expect from Panetoz, but less holiday in a Swedish resort in Thailand.
Chances of qualifying: Andra Chansen.

molly sanden

7. Molly Sandén – Youniverse – Molly Sandén, Danny Saucedo, John Alexis
The artist: Molly My Marianne Sandén (yes, the Sandén family is fixated with the letter M) is probably taking home the whole show because SVT really want her to. She is only 23 and in 2006 (10 years ago!) she represented Sweden in the Junior Eurovision, coming third. She has two sisters: Frida and Mimmi. Frida went to Junior in 2007, coming 8th, Mimmi (that had the best song of the three, I dare say) went to Junior in 2009, coming 6th.
Molly was the Swedish sweetheart. She did Diggiloo turnéen, she was the Disney singer for the Swedish version of High School Musical and went to Melodifestivalen in 2009 with the annoying “Så vill stjärnorna”. Then God looked upon us again and said “nope”. She came last with 2 points – even after the jury qualifier (introduced in 2009, removed in 2010) that no one really cared about.
The last bit of Swedish sweetheartedness came with her being in love with Eric Saade. In 2011 Saade was this smooth operator kid that everyone loved. His image changed a few years after becoming the arrogant tit that sings stuff like “it must sting so bad that my life is better than yours”.
So. Heartbroken Molly goes back to Melodifestivalen 2012. Blonde hair gone, smile and glittery eyes gone and one song: “Why am I crying?”. Basically she revealed, in that song, that Saade left clothes everywhere and that she wasn’t going to miss him, not at all.
In that moment, Molly became a real singer. It took her 2 years before publishing the very good “Freak”, where she definitely said adjö (goodbye forever) to her sweet image. And now she’s back.
The composers: Molly and Danny Saucedo. Danny is her boyfriend. Her boyfriend that was good friend with Saade – insert drama here. Danny hasn’t had a good song in a few years and I am bloody desperate. I’m too tired of this to look for the third one.
The song: a radiofriendly electrotrance song with very silly lyrics. She has a good voice, though.
Chances of qualifying: she could burp for three minutes and she’d be in the final.

Italian in the UK, with a strong preference for Sweden. I support myself tweeting (not even joking) - and that's why Social Media is my kingdom. Drama tends to follow me, hence why I really feel connected to the #skandal and #fiasko hashtags.

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